I’m Tired

I’m tired, I am so very tired, and my heart is burdened with the hurt and pain of this world. I am tired of the truth being so hard to grasp. I feel like “for in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow” (Ecclesiastes 1:18). I’m tired like Jacob, because I spent the whole night wrestling with God; my eyes are heavy, my head is wrung dry, and my heart is out of socket. To wrestle is to feel yourself stretch and contort in ways you previously thought impossible. A friend of mine without fail always wrestles somebody when we hang out. He has taught me the uncomfortableness of wrestling, to be even and slowly lose more and more control, and to be honest I hate to lose control of anything.

After my experience the other night I am struck with a couple of questions. Do we wrestle enough? I mean really wrestle; I mean 3 in the morning tears in the eyes crying out to God for an easy answer wrestle. I think the answer is no we do not, I do not wrestle like that far enough. We too often run rashly to the neat and tidy answer on the shelf. A mess frightens means, though maybe not in our rooms, but in our minds, in our hearts, and in the world. We refuse to allow a mess too linger lest we be thought to have a weak faith. My brothers and sister we commit folly in this thinking. We put God in tidy boxes of our own understanding rather than letting God be radically transcendent even to the language we have to describe God. We out of fear make God smaller and unable to handle the messes of our minds, hearts, and world. We forget that in our moments of weakness Christ power rest on us (2 Corinthians 12:9). Wrestling does not imply weakness, trust me the weak do not wrestle look at a college wrestling team. It is through wrestling that our faith is made strong. Wrestling is not sinful it is essential. My friends it is good to wrestle vigorously with God if we don’t and only spectate others wrestling we grow fat and unhealthy on the sidelines of the faith.

Wrestling is not easy it is exhausting it wears us out. It is not a sin to grow tired amidst a struggle just like it is not a failure to grow tired during a workout it is the point. The point of a workout is to get stronger and gain more endurance so that we get tired later and later in the workout. The problem comes in when we grow tired of the wrestling; we wrestle less frequently and less vigorously. This does not lead to greater or even steady faith it makes us doughy and weak. Scripture says “and let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9). Did you hear that? It is not in vain; “in due season we will reap.”

So my question is: have you wrestled today?


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